Empathy

Empathy is the great killer and savior of relationships. It all depends on which side you're on.

Empathy is nothing more than a sympathetic response to a certain stimulus. For example, when you say, "my mother died," the empathetic response is "I'm sorry." When you say, "my girlfriend just broke up with me," the empathetic response is "are you okay?" If it's a male responding, they will follow it up with, "do you want to talk about it... at my place?" Here we have the perfect example of empathy used as a manipulative tool. And that's exactly what you want.

Empathy gives you the competitive advantage because it makes people feel emotionally in debt to you. However, if it's the other person seeking an empathetic response from you, it's your choice whether you give in or not. It all depends on how you want the night to end... sympathy sex or "oh, that sucks, see you later."

Sticking with the idea that every person is always looking to gain the advantage in relationships - to be one step ahead and to feel as though they possess some degree of control, let's talk about how appearing to be empathetic can be advantageous to you in relationships. Don't get me wrong, being sincerely empathetic can be a respectable and courageous strategy. Some people are sincerely empathetic when they are emotionally invested in the other person, i.e. close friendships, family, etc. The most important thing to know about empathy is how to use it.

[The guy]
The empathetic response has to meet the emotional level of the empathetic request. If someone says their mother died, you don't respond with, "you'll get over it." However, if a hot chick says, "I'm so ugly," she's layable and your response is, "no, I think you're beautiful." Note: women with very apparent self esteem issues are easy. If you haven't caught onto that yet, you're an idiot. Keep reading because you need it.

[The girl]
Sometimes women are more attracted to men who appear emotionally unavailable than those who display too much empathy, and there is such a thing as too much. Women like a challenge, and are just as much into the thrill of the hunt as men are. Your best bet with a woman is to give her something to work with while pulling away enough to keep her interested in telling you more. You should appear to "care" enough to make her feel noticed, but not enough to become her bosom buddy.

[The conclusion]
So your choice is: is the guy or girl looking for emotional support or an emotional challenge? It all depends on their delivery. If they deliver weakly, they need support. If they deliver strongly or indifferently, they need a challenge. The choice you make will make the difference between a successful night and a failure. The dilemma for those of you who are sincerely empathetic is the ability to recognize when to utilize empathy as a tool and when it's okay to actually feel genuine empathy.