Degrees of Attention

Attention is something most people desire. Our culture has told us to crave it. Everyone wants their fifteen seconds of fame, even if its just to one other person. Attention is often the sole motivation for many peoples' actions. This is a weakness that can and should be exploited.

Let's talk about attention in degrees. The first degree is no attention at all. If you give another person no attention at all, they will respond in one of two ways. They will either (1) believe that you're entirely insignifcant to them and respond in kind or (2) see that as a challenge and act to get attention from you. At this point it is a question of giving attention or not. This is a good opportunity for exploitation but it's an all-or-nothing scenario. If you misevaluate the other person, you may receive no response when you wanted one or attract a response when you didn't.

The second degree is equivalent attention. This means you never give the other person attention until they direct attention to you. It's a zero-sum game, neither of you is giving more attention than the other person. It's the idea that every action has a reaction and nothing more. It's fairly low level and non-committal. The danger of this is it can become a waiting game and ultimately mean that you'll never get any. The positive side is that you don't come off as needy and desperate, and it sets up non-committal relationship boundaries.

The third degree is fun, unlike a third degree prison term. This is when you give attention for a certain period of time (not so much it makes the other person uncomfortable) and then cut it off. People often fail at this strategy because (1) they go overboard into the fourth degree or (2) they don't know how to read verbal and non-verbal reactions to the attention. The third degree is effective when you can keep track of multiple variables: quantity of attention, type of attention, quantity of reaction, and type of reaction. This includes verbal and non-verbal communication. The key to this strategy being successful is to keep the quantity of attention equivalent (second degree) but change up the type of attention as much as possible. That means you are unpredictable, creative, and everything else that a woman (or man) loves. In any conversation, one of the parties will tire out. The art of the strategy is knowing to end the conversation before they're tired but no sooner. Get in, do your thing, and get out. If they come back to you, then you're good and continue the game. If they don't come back then move on. After initial contact, never re-initiate contact. There is a reason this is the longest paragraph: the third degree has the highest success rate and you really can't go wrong with it if you pull it off well. Otherwise, you're dead, give up- hang yourself in your garage.

The fourth degree is all attention, no let-up. This degree always fails. Giving the other person exclusive attention over a period of time tells them you are desperate, horny, clueless, extremely unattractive, have low self esteem, want to hang yourself in your garage (and probably should), etc. This degree presents no challenge to the other party, and that tells them that you are also easy. Don't use this degree.

Choose the degree that fits your skill level, or improve your skill level.

Empathy

Empathy is the great killer and savior of relationships. It all depends on which side you're on.

Empathy is nothing more than a sympathetic response to a certain stimulus. For example, when you say, "my mother died," the empathetic response is "I'm sorry." When you say, "my girlfriend just broke up with me," the empathetic response is "are you okay?" If it's a male responding, they will follow it up with, "do you want to talk about it... at my place?" Here we have the perfect example of empathy used as a manipulative tool. And that's exactly what you want.

Empathy gives you the competitive advantage because it makes people feel emotionally in debt to you. However, if it's the other person seeking an empathetic response from you, it's your choice whether you give in or not. It all depends on how you want the night to end... sympathy sex or "oh, that sucks, see you later."

Sticking with the idea that every person is always looking to gain the advantage in relationships - to be one step ahead and to feel as though they possess some degree of control, let's talk about how appearing to be empathetic can be advantageous to you in relationships. Don't get me wrong, being sincerely empathetic can be a respectable and courageous strategy. Some people are sincerely empathetic when they are emotionally invested in the other person, i.e. close friendships, family, etc. The most important thing to know about empathy is how to use it.

[The guy]
The empathetic response has to meet the emotional level of the empathetic request. If someone says their mother died, you don't respond with, "you'll get over it." However, if a hot chick says, "I'm so ugly," she's layable and your response is, "no, I think you're beautiful." Note: women with very apparent self esteem issues are easy. If you haven't caught onto that yet, you're an idiot. Keep reading because you need it.

[The girl]
Sometimes women are more attracted to men who appear emotionally unavailable than those who display too much empathy, and there is such a thing as too much. Women like a challenge, and are just as much into the thrill of the hunt as men are. Your best bet with a woman is to give her something to work with while pulling away enough to keep her interested in telling you more. You should appear to "care" enough to make her feel noticed, but not enough to become her bosom buddy.

[The conclusion]
So your choice is: is the guy or girl looking for emotional support or an emotional challenge? It all depends on their delivery. If they deliver weakly, they need support. If they deliver strongly or indifferently, they need a challenge. The choice you make will make the difference between a successful night and a failure. The dilemma for those of you who are sincerely empathetic is the ability to recognize when to utilize empathy as a tool and when it's okay to actually feel genuine empathy.

Welcome to our world... I'm sorry, the world

You feel like you're in love with someone. That's bullshit. Popular culture has trained us to believe in the purity of love. The truth is you don't know what love is. Here's what's really going on.

Everyone is looking for the advantage, whether it means screwing the girl you met at the bar or marrying the guy you always thought was your best friend. In economics, it's the comparative advantage. In philosophy, it's the overwhelming value of pleasure. In John Eldredge's books, it's pursuing the heart of the desired. Whatever you call it, you want to feel loved, needed, and desired. That's all.

That's what this blog is about. How to get what you want, need, or desire.